Good morning, human. It is I, your beloved companion, trusted friend, and extremely supportive confidant. I never judge you for polishing off the ice cream. In fact, I find it quite impressive that you can eat that much in one sitting. I let you pet me while watching T.V. so you don’t get bored watching other humans in that little box. I play with you when you’re working and should be focusing on other things, more important things, like a ball or a string. That computer is a time suck, so I graciously sit on it so you don’t have to work. I do so many things for you. But most importantly, I wake you up in the morning.

I bet you’re probably wondering what’s going on in my head in the mornings while I’m waiting for you to greet the day. Here are some things I think about and do to make sure you start your day nice and early…so we can play.

Method #1: Attack!

It has been hours since the human has been awake. I’ve napped, chased my tail, napped, eaten, napped, explored the couch, napped…enough is enough. Time to wake up the human. SURPRISE, SLEEPY HEAD! Once you’re up, I’ll take another nap.

Method #2: Comfort

I’ve tried the couch, the foot of the bed, the pillow, the human’s face and even, much to my dismay, my own bed. Nothing is comfortable enough. Maybe if I dig an imaginary hole in the blankets right next to the sleeping giant’s face, I can finally catch some beauty sleep. Oh look, it’s awake, let’s go play!

Method #3: Dream Land

What I think is happening:

What is actually happening:

I’m running through a field, there are tons of flowers and dandelions to make wishes on! Oh, look a bird! I’m going to chase it! Wait, is that Superman up there? Am I dreaming? But my feet are making contact with something…oh, wait, it’s the human’s face. Good morning! Let’s go find dandelions!

Method #4: Sneeze

Ah, good morning, world, I’m right in Master’s face and he smells like body spray. Ugh, I hate that stuff. Maybe I can ward off the oncoming sneeze by holding really still. Oh no. It’s an assault on the senses! Can’t. Hold. It. *Achoo!* Right in Master’s face. Well, he deserved it for wearing that stuff.

Method #5: Snoring

So exhausted. I knew I shouldn’t have been swimming so late in the bathtub. I always snore when I’m this tired. I think I’m snoring now. I just woke myself up. I hope this doesn’t wake the human up. Oh well, even if it does, at least then we can go for another swim. Heads up rubber duckies, I’m about to lap you…AGAIN!

Method #6: Happy You’re Awake

The human is awake! Wooo! Good morning, I’m so happy to see you. Why does it still look so sleepy? Let me gaze into your eyes to express my love for you. Ah, where do you think you’re going? It’s snuggle time. Once I can figure out how to get out of this box, watch out.

Lead image source: Daniel Guimaraes / Flickr