Just in time for Halloween and the start of AMC’s new season of “The Walking Dead,” National Wildlife Federation (NWF) naturalist David Mizejewski decided to tackle the question, “If a zombie uprising occurred, who would win?” on a blog post for Boing Boing.
His educated guess? “Wildlife would … kick ass,” he writes.
Mizejewski reasons that since zombies are “essentially walking carrion,” a number of animal species from microorganisms to big carnivores would have no problem taking a bite out of them and bringing them down.
Bird species like vultures, ravens, crows, and magpies are excellent scavengers who could easily whittle down a zombie body to nothing in a short span of time, according to Mizejewski.
Bald eagles would also make a mean feast out of zombies as they have been documented as powerful attackers, “killing animals as large as deer.”
While birds act as scavengers, mammals help with the main attack.
Mizejewski cites brown and black bears, gray wolves, coyotes, mountain lions, and jaguars as formidable zombie opponents. To give you just a taste of what one of these animals could do to a walking corpse, Mizejewski says that a jaguar bite can deliver a whooping 2,000 pounds of pressure per inch, the most powerful mammalian bite on the North American continent.
Other animals that would play a part in a zombie take-down include wild hoofed mammals like moose, bison, bull elk, and mountain goats with their scared-of-nothing mentality and their powerful hooves and horns, in addition to the American crocodile and alligators, who are both amazing stealth hunters. Zombies should also fear snapping turtles, who are even used by police in some cases to find corpses underwater because they are attracted to dead flesh, writes Mizejewski.
While wildlife would take down zombies in no time, in today’s world wild animals face many challenges and threats from living humans with little chance to protect themselves against our ever-growing presence.
Deforestation, habitat loss, overfishing, poaching, and other wildlife abuses are a constant danger to even some of the world’s most powerful species, like those mentioned above. Even our long life spans negatively affect endangered species.
Wild animals want little to do with humans, and unless provoked or very hungry, they won’t even bother with us. We pose a much larger threat to them than they ever will to us — until the zombie apocalypse, of course.
Read Mizejewski’s full blog post on zombies vs. animals right here, then tell us your guess at the outcome of a zombie apocalypse with a comment below!
Image source: Stephen Dann/Flickr