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1. They credit their vegan diet for their health, wellness and energy.
Who needs to drink green juices and smoothies to be healthy? Can’t they just stick to lifting weights and enjoy steak for dinner like normal people? Hippies.
2. They love animals. Ugh.
Isn’t that sickening? Caring for animals and fighting for their rights?! I mean, come on. How can they care more about cows than Louis Vuitton!? Damn those morals!
3. Some of them even look cute as a button!
Look at them, eating greens, blending smoothies, shooting arrows like elves. Do they want to live forever? It’s so unfair.
4. They care about the Earth—those jerks!
Reducing greenhouse gas emissions, massive water and air Pollution, soil erosion and contamination…who cares about this mumbo jumbo? Oh, wait, vegans!
5. They mislead you with their food…wicked, tricksy, false!
They make delicious cupcakes, cookies, muffins and a whole bunch of stuff without any butter, cream, cheese, milk….those cheats! Even Paula Deen hates them.
6. They are so demanding….why can’t they just enjoy bacon like normal people!
Vegans create pandemonium at restaurants just because they don’t want to eat greasy, high-cholesterol, heart-clogging food. They want this and that and don’t put that on my food, could I have extra this? Geez vegans, just shut up and sit down!
7. Such elitists….spending all their money on veggies!
They sit on their high horse and judge others. Why don’t they just advocate for change in food subsidies so vegetables are less expensive? Oh, they do do that? Well, they repulse me.
8. Worst of all…science and medicine supports them!