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When the second week of March rolls around, the snow begins to thaw and something magical seems to work its way into the air. Some people call it Spring, but for many that extra “something” floating in the breeze is the highly distinct aroma of Guinness. Guinness and perhaps some green food dye… Yes, folks you’ve guessed it. It is the smell of St. Patrick’s Day.

One day a year, people across the world, gather round to celebrate good old St. Pat. The Irish saint of drinking … or snakes … or Leprechauns? Let’s be honest no one really knows! (Actually yes, we do know. We couldn’t have survived years of Irish Step dancing competitions without knowing – true story.)

But, if there is one thing that we know about this glorious holiday it is that it’s a great day for coming up with ideas and thinking about all things green. In fact, we have good reason to believe that the very “greenness” of St. Paddy’s Day is what has lead so many politicians to be inspired to think up their environmental stances and policies on this very day! You don’t believe us? Just take a look at these hilarious decisions that have been made regarding the environment and then tell us that these genius ideas weren’t concocted in a pub. Most likely after a few Irish Car Bombs. Perhaps the first drafts were written on novelty coasters that say “Slainté!” We can’t say that we were there … or if we were – hey, it was St. Patrick’s Day!

PROBLEM: We need to elect a new head of the Senate Environment and Public Works Committee.

ST. PATRICK’S DAY SOLUTION: Senator Jim Inhofe really deserves the job. 

5 Anti-Environmental Ideas and Policies That Could Only Have Been Thought Up in a PubThe Onion

Good idea? GREAT idea. 

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So the guy thinks climate change is mostly caused by the heat of the sun and thinks that snowballs can save us all from rising global temperatures. While we’re at it let’s give Marco Rubio the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration and Ted Cruz gets NASA. Brilliant.

PROBLEM: We just figured out that fracking fluid can leak from disposal wells and pollute entire watershed and domestic drinking wells

ST. PATRICK’S DAY SOLUTION: Make the fluid a trade secret and make it legally impossible for poisoned residents to sue! 

5 Anti-Environmental Ideas and Policies That Could Only Have Been Thought Up in a PubElite Daily

Wait for it …

5 Anti-Environmental Ideas and Policies That Could Only Have Been Thought Up in a PubGlamour

Oh and just throw in having fracking fluids exempt from the Safe Water Drinking Act and ya got yourself a genius plan! 

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Although we can’t prove it, because fracking fluid is still a proprietary secret, some pretty strong evidence suggests that benzene, formaldehyde, lead, methanol, hydrogen fluoride and some other known carcinogens from fracking wells is slowly causing people to develop cancer, respiratory issues and neurological problems. But we can’t say for sure!

PROBLEM: Florida residents are very concerned about how climate change will impact their livelihoods. Governor Rick Scott is still not convinced it’s a real thing/doesn’t want to deal with it.

ST. PATRICK’S DAY SOLUTION: BAN the words “climate change,” “sea level rise,” and “global warming” from all official forms of communication.

5 Anti-Environmental Ideas and Policies That Could Only Have Been Thought Up in a PubThought Catalog 

 And the people who agreed to follow along with this charade. Any dissenters? 

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Maybe John Kerry thinks this irresponsible and that we “literally don’t have time to waste,” in not talking about solutions to climate change. Talk a load off dude. Try a fluorescent green Natty Lite, then you’ll start to see what’s really important in life.

PROBLEM: Yikes! People are starting to realize that animal agriculture is responsible for the majority of global greenhouse gas emissions, water pollution and the spread of antibiotic-resistant bacteria – AND they want the EPA to regulate it!

ST. PATRICK’S DAY SOLUTION: Tell people they’re going to die of a protein deficiency if they give up meat! 

threeMirror.co.uk

Trust us, sustainability, clean water and air that isn’t filled with cow poop is just a silly trend. They’ll forget soon.

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Worrying about whether or not the planet (or our bodies) can sustain ridiculously high amounts of meat, cheese, and eggs is not something we need to be concerned about, right? If we’ve learned anything it’s that when you ignore a problem, eventually it just goes away!

Don’t Drink and Decide

Alright, so maybe these calls weren’t made in a pub – or on the floor of a pub – even though we kind of wish they were because it would explain the reasoning. But sadly, the world’s political leaders just aren’t ready to take on the enormous challenges presented by climate change, meaning it is up to us to step up for them. Did you know you can half your carbon footprint by leaving meat off your plate? Or help save entire football fields of rainforest from destruction by avoiding palm oil in the products you buy?

There are lots of simple steps we can take that will add up to a real change. We know the luck of the Irish can be a powerful thing, but we’d prefer not to have to rely on that alone to make it through the next century.

Lead image source: Simon Cocks/Flickr

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